Thursday, December 21, 2006

Dashing Through The House...

In a one cat open sleigh!!
Scooter: I'll never forgive you for this.
Me: It's the last one Scooter (for this year) I promise.
Scooter: This is inhumane. My ears are being crushed.
Me: Oh Scooty you look adorable.
Scooter: These things have lights. I don't do lights.
Me: But...look at you!!
Scooter: Do I have to??
Me: You are going to be an inspiration to other cats!!
Scooter: To do what??
Me: Guess!!
Scooter: To throw themselves from buildings??
Me: To celebrate the season!!
Scooter: Gag me.
Me: Oh's Christmas.
Scooter: Right!! ...and you should be cutting me some slack.
Me: Would it help if I dressed Cricket up too??
Scooter: Couldn't we just send her to the Witness Protection Program and call it even??
Me: Merry Christmas Big Fella.
Scooter: You too Ma.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Santa Baby

Scooter: I can't believe you put this Santa hat on me.
Me: Heh heh. Believe it.
Scooter: There's no sense to this. I don't feel anymore festive.
Me: You look festive.
Scooter: I feel like a lawn ornament in the bad part of town.
Me: My poor kitty.
Scooter: Do I get my turkey yet??
Me: Excuse me??
Scooter: I think this photo entitles me to partake of the bird!!
Me: Check the calendar Santa's still a week till Christmas.
Scooter: Does this mean what I think it means??
Me: Say Cheeeeeeeeeese!!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Merry is my middle name...

Scooter: Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrraaaaaaaaaaghhhhhh!!
Me: Sit still!!
Scooter: My ears, my ears!!
Me: Sit still.
Scooter: This is cruel.
Me: It's once a year and if you'd just sit still it would be over.
Scooter: This isn't fair.
Me: What isn't fair is the fact that you lounge on the sofa like a beached walrus.
Scooter: Was that necessary??
Me: Yes.
Scooter: Make this snowman go away.
Me: Why can't you be festive like other cats I've seen??
Scooter: Me?? I love Christmas...the turkey, the lights (they're tasty too), the turkey, the tree (the needles are like tiny little toothpicks), the turkey...
Me: Yeah, ok, ok, I got the idea.
Scooter: It seems to me that you're making too much of this photo op.
Me: Well, hold on tinsel boy, I haven't gotten out the Santa hat or the reindeer antlers yet.
Scooter: Can't we just go straight to the turkey??
Me: A few more shots and we'll talk.
Scooter: Well, don't you just know that MERRY is my middle name!!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

She Thinks I'm Hot!!

Me: Scooter, what are you doing??
Scooter: Brushing my fur, flossing, checking my breath for just the right scent of tuna.
Me: Uh, why??
Scooter: I think I have a girlfriend.
Me: Sorry, what??
Scooter: You know, a girlfriend, a female cat, someone to cough up hairballs with.
Me: lost me...what are you talking about??
Scooter: Oh, she is beeeeeautiful. Her name is Coffee (swoon) and she's the same age as me and she looks like me and I think I'm in love and I have it on good authority that she thinks I'm hot.
Me: Hot as in a gland condition??
Scooter: Hot as in she liiiiiiiiiiiikes me.
Me: My little boy is growing up.
Scooter: I'm 9 now, that's 52 of your years.
Me: The next thing you'll be telling me is that you're driving too.
Me: Scooter??
Scooter: I was daydreaming on Route 66.
Me: What "good authority"??
Scooter: I'm not at liberty to say.
Me: I'm your mother.
Scooter: I'm older than you.
Me: I clean your litter box. (This is the mother's equivalent to "I wash your underwear.")
Scooter: Good point. I'm still not saying.
Me: Well, you'll keep me updated on this relationship??
Scooter: If I don't will you still clean my litter box?
Me: Not a hope big fella.
Scooter: I should go lie down now??
Me: Probably a good idea. call me crazy.
Did my cat just say he was HOT and that he had that on "good authority"?? I am crazy. My cat has a life. It's not bad enough that he has this blog, but now he has a girlfriend and a life too?? C'mon. This is getting to be too much.
Maybe it's because it's almost Christmas and my mind is just in a pre-holiday turmoil??
Nah...I'm crazy and my 52 year old cat (isn't he too old to be getting a girlfriend??) is making it worse.
On the upside...Coffee looks to be a lovely girl. I mean, who could resist that sweet tabby face??
Obviously, not my Scooter.
Click to see Coffee

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Scooter and the girly girl, Cricket wish you and yours a wonderful holiday!!

Friday, November 17, 2006

The Green Eyed Monster...

The Green Eyed Monster

Me: What are you staring at??
Scooter: Her.
Me: Her, meaning Cricket??
Scooter: Yes...I'm plotting her demise.
Me: Uh...why??
Scooter: Woe and general nonhappiness.
Me: Woe?? ...and I don't think "nonhappiness" is a word
Scooter: I'm suffering grave mental anguish and you're worried about grammar.
Me: Oh not this again. I love you equally and in different ways.
Scooter: She's trying to be cute and steal your affection.
Me: She IS cute...but Scooter you'll always be my "little man".
Scooter: She's staring at me.
Me: Uh, could be because you're staring at HER.
Scooter: It's a little disconserting.
Me: The two of you are hopeless.
Scooter: Maybe I could just strong arm her. You know, show her my general strength and natural prowess.
Me: the man sort of thing??
Scooter: run at full her how fast I am.
Me: Like "the chair incident" the other day??
Scooter: Well, that was uncalled for. I don't feel comfortable talking about it.
Me: We'll leave that for another day then??
Scooter: Another day...another millenia
Me: You scared the giblets out of me...not to mention Rebecca.
Scooter: I was trying to keep you on your toes.
Me: It scared YOU.
Scooter: That's below the belt.
Me: You don't wear a belt.
Scooter: Details.
Me: Don't you have something to shred??
Scooter: No, but I'm thinking about tossing a hairball on the rug.
Me: I can't wait.
Scooter: You DO care.

There are times that I wonder what goes through the mind of a cat. No, scratch that (pun intended) there are times I wonder if ANYTHING goes through the mind of a cat.
Cricket...the new girl on the block is quite enjoying her life of leisure. She has staked out little places that are her exlusive domain and there she's quite content to snooze and snore.
Scooter, on the other hand feels it necessary to impress the fire out of Cricket. I thought at first that he'd get this out of his system but oh no...EVERY day is "I'm the man...look at me day". On Wednesday, Rebecca was with me...home sick from school. She snoozed on the sofa and had the occasional sip of apple juice. I was doing my best to keep the house quiet so that she would rest. Little did I know...

Out of the blue Scooter bounded like a Banshee on steroids!! His shoulders and head down he ran like a bull moose in the rut. Instead of downing trees Scooter headed straight for the glider rocker.

Rebecca turned to watch...
I was by the stereo...
Scooter went in for the kill...
What happend next is a little blurry...
There was a crash. Rebecca bolted up. I very nearly brought the stereo down on top of me.
She didn't even open her snoozing eyes.
Poor Scooter. He got the worst of it. Not only was he embarassed...his eyes were huge and he had a look of terror that is only seen in really bad Sci-Fi movies from the 50's. He retreated to the girls' room.
Rebecca was impressed with the rocker lying prone on the floor. My heart rate reached an all-time high. Scooter's ego was bruised. Cricket slept.
Life goes on.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Wordless Wednesday

Monday, November 06, 2006

Scooter Says...

and it has my Mommy scared to death!!
Oh ya...warming my fur by the tree lights...swatting at ornaments...chasing Cricket by the hearth.
Nothing quite says the Holidays like terrorizing the family!!
I was thinking of making a list for myself of things that I neeeeeeeeed. If you have any suggestions, please drop me a line.
Meanwhile, I'm working on my "cute and innocent" look. (See above)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Wordless Wednesday!!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween
From Scooter's Mommy!!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

It's a Bird...It's a Plane...



Scooter: Oh wooooooe is me.
Scooter: Oh wooooooe is me.
Scooter: Oh wooooooe is me.

Me: Uh, Scooter...
Scooter: Oh the pain, the suffering, the heartbreak of psoriasis.
Me: You don't have psoriasis.
Scooter: It's worse. You brought home a cat. A girl cat. A FEEEEmale.
Me: Isn't she great Scooter??
**(And this is where it got interesting!!)
Scooter: "Mmrmrrrrroooooorwrooooweroooowerooooweroooowerooower"
CRICKET: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Erik: What was that??
Scooter: **See above.
Me: Are we sensing jealousy here??
Scooter: No. Angst. Anger. Plotting.
Me: Scooter...just look at her!! She's adorable.
Scooter: She's "here". How long is she staying?? A couple of days?? A week?? I guess a week would be ok. I could hang out under the couch and shred the wall.
Me: Well big's like this...
Scooter: WHAT????? No no no no no no no. Look, I'm a stand up guy (He is...he begs like a dog.) but what's with the girly girl?? We don't need her. Look at her...she's a girl. She's going to sit around all day and primp.
Me: Uh, YOU primp all day.
Scooter: Ok, bad example. Stop wounding me like this. I won't blap for a week!! I'll come when you call me!! I won't turn my nose up at my food (except that icky stuff I don't like).
Me: You're ok with this?

Scooter: I'm hungry.
Me: This is getting off topic.

Scooter: I'll be under the sofa shredding the wall.


And thus...we got Cricket.

I love cats. I can't help it and make no apologies for it. When it comes to cats as pets they are obnoxious, rude, standoff-ish and downright cuddly.

It's been almost three weeks now and Cricket the Cat is settling in nicely. Although his poor nose is slightly out of joint, Scooter is coming to terms with the fact that there is now another mouth to feed and we really do still love him.

Cricket could care less about the fact that there is another cat in the house, and given the chance she would become the "Alpha Dog". Scooter is when all is said and done, a big marshmallow.

Cricket is 3 years old to Scooter's 9. She was adopted from a shelter run out of a local pet supply company. She had been in a home with her brother and a dog. Sadly, the children in the home developed allergies and the animals needed new "forever homes".

Kittens...those delicious little fluff balls are irresistible but there is something so endearing about an adult cat who really needs a home. They look at you with eyes that say, "I didn't get here by choice."

Scooter's reaction was important to us too however. He is after all good enough to let us live with him. We kept Cricket in a room by herself for a couple of days. This gave her time to settle in and get used to new smells and new surroundings. It gave Scooter a chance to get over his migraine.

Once the initial shock was over we slowly moved Cricket out into the living room. Over the week, we moved her food bowl ever closer to Scooter's. ("A plot...a plot", he cries!!)

Despite a few gnarly hissy fits...we're blending as a family. We've officially become 2 cats, no waiting.

There's a moral in here somewhere, but I can't think of it.


Monday, September 25, 2006

The Long Hello...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Scooter: Ok, so that's the longest extended Honeymoon in the history of Honeymoondom.

Me: It wasn't really a Honeymoon Scooter. I've been lazy. I have no excuses.

Scooter: So, once more, you left me with SO much to say and no way to say it.

Me: You're upset.

Scooter: And my brush with death?? Who knows of this??

Me: All those who care about you know, Scooter.

Scooter: you DID send out a world wide email at least.

Me: I give up.

Since last we visited Scooter's World...

Shelley and Erik were married!! Yes, it's true, it's true!! It was a lovely little ceremony with Erik's brother Nik as best man and my dear friend Susan as Matron of Honor. It was chilly out, but the day was bri...


Me: Scooter, your strongarm tactics are getting nastier as the years go on. You really are a grumpy old man.

Let's see...where to begin...

The night before we were to tie the knot, we noticed that our boy was not only quiet but downright pale and limping. We thought perhaps he'd jumped up somewhere and injured himself. There was no sign of a broken limb. We thought this a very good sign until...

The beginnings of "stomach troubles".

Scooter: Wait a minute...hold the phone...hold everything!!

Me: What??

Scooter: No one wants to hear about my...uh...problem that night.

Me: Well, suck it up insisted that we talk about're talking about YOU.

Scooter: Slink...slink...slink.

Me: And now to continue...and if the weak-stomachs want to stop here, I will understand.

Scooter: Can I leave now too??

Me: I am guilt-free here were the one who decided to get sick when you did. Now as I started to say...Scooter started to limp...worse yet, he had some SEVERE stomach issues going on. He had the runs in olympic proportions.

Scooter: I think I'll go shred the violets now.

Me: At this point, it was almost 2 am and things (Scooter included) were "slowing down". We made the decision to call first thing in the am.

Scooter: I could have died.

Me: Go shred the violets while I finish the story.

Scooter: Munch, munnnch, burp.


Without going into a long drawn out detail, we had our ceremony (MARRIED!!) and came home and picked up the cat and went to the vet's office. We have the dubious honor of being the first people to come in on their wedding day. Now I ask you, who keeps track of these things??

The vet could find nothing wrong with the front leg that he was favoring, but he was still having obvious difficulties.

We were sent home with some Kitty Imodium (hurray) and the next day he would have exrays ($$), bloodwork ($$), and numerous other $$$$$$'s.

In wrapping up...Scooter was put on an antibiotic for fear of a parasite and steroids for his joint pain. It was with sadness that we allowed the steroids because now we know his dream of playing with the New York Yankees will not be realized.

The happy news is that our boy is back to his grumpy self, shredding violets and attacking any passing legs that come his way.

As for Erik and me...happy as clams...and revelling in saying Mr and Mrs...and furry son.

Annette said...

I am still so happy for you! So glad also that Scooter is doing better and can sit up and beg again.

3:06 PM

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Scooter: What's THIS??

Me: It's where the hair parts on your tummy.

Scooter: How COULD you?? The horror. The mortification.

Me: What?? It's adorable. Look at that fluffy soft fur!!

Scooter: It's embarrassing. Besides, I don't want just anyone looking at my tummy fur. It's a sacred thing.

Me: (stifling a snicker) Uh...sacred?? Aren't you getting a little carried away now??

Scooter: No. I'm very serious. I have a following of people that have come to expect a level of dignity and decorum on these pages.

Me: We're talking about the same blog, right??

Scooter: Please don't talk to me right now. I'm feeling violated.

Me: Perhaps you should go and lie down.

Scooter: Good idea. I'll grab a bite to eat on the way.


Our cat is just as guilty of vanity as the next person is.

It's comical.

He primps, he preens and sometimes when you catch him doing his "tubby time" he's mortified. He wants to slink away and hope that you weren't really looking in his direction.

He'll even change the subject by suddenly and very deliberately staring off in another direction. We try to go along with the little man, but there are times that Scooter becomes the comic relief in the day.

Sorry Scooter.

He's retired to a quiet corner and following his snack he is no doubt contemplating his next hairball.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

In Memory...

of two brave hearts joined once more...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Thirteen Things Scooter and Shelley Question

Shelley: 1. Why did anyone make Ranch Dressing after Hidden Valley??
Scooter: Who needs salad anyhow??
Shelley: You seem to like my violets after you blap!!

Scooter: 2. Why don't they make a cat food can that cats can open??
Shelley: Get real here buddy. You're too lazy to open your own food and LIKE having a minion.
Scooter: Good point.

Shelley: 3. Why when you drop a roll of tape on its side does it land so that the roll is now covered with fuzz and cat hair leaving a fuzzy line down whatever I tape!!
Scooter: I can't help but feel this is a personal blow.
Shelley: Because I said cat hair?? Well, if the claw fits...

Scooter: 4. Why can't I go outside??
Shelley: This is not a valid question.
Scooter: I'm suffocating...gag...choke...whine.

Shelley: 5. You're not suffocating...and this is taking up another question.
Scooter: You go outside. I get 5 minute supervised field trips with Daddy.
Shelley: After which you realize you're outside and come running for the safety of "IN". Next question.

Scooter: 6. Why aren't there more shows on tv with cats as the heroes??
Shelley: Possibly because cats sleep 22 out of 24 hours and none of the cats could stay awake for the filming.
Scooter: I need a nap.

Shelley: 7. Why can't they make an ice cream container that doesn't collapse when you try to scoop ice cream out??
Scooter: I really only like chocolate.
Shelley: I've yet to figure that out too.

Scooter: 8. Why don't I have a dog to swat??
Shelley: Well, for one we can't have a dog here.
Scooter: Because they're inferior lifeforms, like humans. I understand.

Shelley: 9. There you go we've got to carry this on to another question. Dogs are NOT inferior...and neither are humans.
Scooter: Uh, hello you (human) clean my litter box and dogs well, are known to eat from the lit....
Shelley: SCOOTER!!!!!!!!!!!

Scooter: 10. Why don't I have my own queen size bed??
Shelley: I give up.
Scooter: What?? What did I say??

Shelley: 11. Why why why do grocery stores insist on opening just 2 or 3 registers when there are lines of people waiting to get out??
Scooter: That reminds me...we're out of "Ground Mealtime" so next time you're out...
Shelley: You're all heart there Gandhi.

Scooter: 12. Why don't they make a remote for cats without thumbs??
Shelley: Uh, what would you watch??
Scooter: Lassie of course. A big smart dog (snicker snicker) saves the world. I love comedies!!

Shelley: 13. Why do I have this cat?? Tell me again??
Scooter: It's my sweet demeanor, quick wit and stunning good looks.
Shelley: It's not your humility.

(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

1) Elle

2) Suz

3) Katherine

4) Mama B

5) holli

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

From Scooter and Shelley, Happy Valentine's Day

Friday, February 10, 2006

Scooter: Where did we go??

Me: Huh??

Scooter: Why haven't we blogged??

Me: Because of The Wolf.

Scooter: Is that why you sleep?? Is that why you're sick??

Me: Yes.

Scooter: But my adoring public!!

Me: Did you ever hear the song, "You're So Vain"??

Scooter: Huh??


Canis Lupus. The Wolf.

A few years ago, the only "wolf" I knew about was the elusive animal that howled in the night.

I remember when I first started getting sick and everything seemed to start at once.

I was fatigued almost all of the time. I don't mean tired. I'd been tired before and this was far beyond that. I could sleep round the clock and still feel like I needed more.

I ached. My muscles and joints and sometimes my skin hurt.

I started noticing hair loss.

All of this started when I was 30. Welcome to the best years of your life.

Lupus is an autoimmune disease. Your body's own immune system looks at you as the invader and attacks you and your joints, and your muscles, and your organs...well, you get the picture. So far I've been lucky. My organs are not affected.

Centuries ago, it was believed that lupus was caused by the bite of a wolf. Since then, the poor wolf has had to bear the name of this disease. It seems more than a little unfair to me.

In the meantime, lupus "flares" come and go. A flare is a time when the lupus is most active and the body feels it the most. During these times, the best thing to do is sleep and let the wolf run its course.

So...that's where I've been for the past few in to The Wolf.

I have no idea why Scooter is complaining though. He sleeps more than anyone in this house. His vanity will be his undoing. Granted, he does keep me company when I'm sick, so much so that he cozies up against me when I am on the bed and checks on me when I so much as move.

For a cat, he's pretty amazing. Please don't tell him I said that...swelled head and all.

He's sleeping at the moment. No surprise here.

Thankfully, so is The Wolf.


**Incredible Wolf Photo: Tom Brakefield

Friday, January 20, 2006

Scooter: I'm famous.

Me: You're what??

Scooter: I'm famous. Thousands read about my glorious self yesterday.

Me: Well, we know at least three people did.

Scooter: Three, thousands, it doesn't matter. I'm famous and now I am universally adored.

Me: Don't you consider yourself a little vain over all this??

Scooter: Vain is such a harsh word. I'm wounded.

Me: You're not wounded. (I roll my eyes.)

Scooter: Do you think this picture shows my sweet and innocent side??

Me: Absolutely Scooter, and I won't even mention the time you tried to drag the roast chicken off the table.

Scooter: That hurts. Oh my fifth rib.


There's been no living with Scooter since his debut into the Thursday Thirteens. He had so much more that he wanted to share. He kept trying to sit on the keyboard. I have no idea what his tushie would have typed out. If he just had thumbs though...look out world; he'd be one furry little journalist.

He celebrated his brush with greatness by sleeping on the sofa. He doesn't normally do this as he prefers the coziness of the feather bed in our room. I think he snoozes on the sofa for special occasions. Maybe it's like going on a little vacation. You know the kind. The bed isn't quite as comfy as yours at home, but the room is different and the excitement of just being there is enough to counterbalance that "harder than home" bed. Who knows.

Is it even possible to get into the mind of a cat?? There's an open question. They go from one end of the realm to the other. Cats play stupid so well...when in reality they're planning world domination. Hey...I saw Logan's Run. Don't tell me they can't outlast us!!

I think Scooter is part of some great underground network of Intellicats. Even now, he's trying to put a halt to this publication. 22 lbs of fur just walked across the keyboard. No wonder the last one just gave out. It was crushed under the weight. I digress.

For now I will watch out for those sea-green eyes and their wiley ways, the purr of his internal Evinrude motor and the velvet softness of his caramel colored tummy. They get me everytime.

Our furry companions. Where would we be without them??

And now without further delay. World, meet Scooter. Scooter, your adoring fans await.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Thirteen Things about SCOOTER!!

1. Chicken is the center of the universe as I know it.

2. Napping is an artform. It should be worked at until perfect.

3. I weigh over 22 lbs. Mommy said she would make me into a toilet seat cover if I listed her weight.

4. I sit up and beg like a dog.

5. Hairballs rule.

6. Blapping is not only useful but it's recreational as well. Never worry about where you throw up either.

7. If I only had thumbs...

8. I'm old enough to drive...but I can't reach the pedals.

9. I have no front claws. How did I let THAT happen??

10. I have back claws but they're covered with Soft Claws. I'll figure how to get them off if it's the last thing I ever do.

11. My Mommy loves it when the clock says 11:11. Strange woman.

12. I am an indoor cat. They need me to be the heavy in case of intruders.

13. I hate all things BUG!! I knock them down, catch them, and then gnaw them until their lifeless bodies are at my mercy...then I bat them around the floor. So sue me, I'm a cat.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Suz

2. mama b

3. marv

4. katherine

(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Scooter: It's dark outside. I should sleep.

Me: You sleep all the time.

Scooter: See??

Me: Why don't you do something meaningful??

Scooter: What, like blog??


Ok, so here's the question. Is he right??

This could be one of the great mysteries of life. Of course, it could be that I simply own a lazy cat. A big lazy cat.

Scooter knows when I don't feel well. He knows it better than anyone. Having lupus as I do is an everyday adventure and a real pain.

When I'm down and sick Scooter is my shadow and he stays by me in bed. I was down today and have been for a couple of days. Between us, we've made dents in the feather bed from just laying around. Scooter doesn't mind losing these days. I mean he'd be sleeping somewhere anyhow, but I on the other hand feel cheated by all of it.

I wanted to catch the story on the TODAY show this morning about the sale of their 2005 Green Room Book. There are over 400 signatures in the book collected over the year and right now it's up for sale on eBay. 100% of the proceeds will benefit The Lupus Foundation of America ( Of course I was sick with the lupus this morning and slept right through it. There is something strangely ironic about that.

Somewhere this afternoon, I managed to get up and going again. Scooter is worn out from looking after me. He's decided to stay in bed a little longer. No doubt he'll wake up in time to eat something, just in time to go to bed. I wish I had his stamina.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Scooter: "Why are you taking my tree away??"

Me: "It's January. It has to go."

Scooter: "I like sitting beneath it. It's warm and comfy."

Me: "You have a hundred places that are warm and comfy. Besides, the tree is as crisp as an apple."

Scooter: "I need a nap."


My poor Scooter Boy. Everything in life is stress for him. Cats seem to think that everything...every movement, every noise, everything is a personal threat to their lives. Scooter is no exception to this. He can be in a deep (snoring) sleep and if a spider walks across the ceiling it all breaks loose!! He's awake immediately and making those "Someone kill it...I can't reach it." noises.

Granted, Scooter is only 8 years old, but when he was a kitten he would climb anywhere and everywhere using whatever means necessary to get a spider or anything else "bug". These days however, he knows that if he "yowls" long enough someone will kill it for him and "tada", a free meal falls from heaven itself!!

I miss the kitten days. Well, I miss them a little. He was so tiny when I brought him home. He could sit on the palm of my hand and he would crawl onto my shoulder and fall asleep. He weighed practically nothing. These days he tips the scales at over 22 lbs. When he crawls up on your shoulder it's a little like having a large sack of flour strapped to you. I digress however.

The tree is what I meant to tell you about. Once I mention that it's coming down, Scooter disappears to the safety and extreme comfort of the lower bunk bed. Except for the occasional "cookie break" (his, not mine) he's not heard from.

It astounds me how many needles there are on a Christmas tree. They're endless too. I'm certain that for each needle that falls, 40 more sprout on the lifeless tree. It's alright, believe what you will but those needles are somewhat unnerving to me. Come next November I'll still be finding them despite the fact that I vacuum ALL of them up. There should be a study done to investigate this. There's something worthwhile to do with government funds. It's possible that pine needles could be the next neverending fuel source.

I'm wondering if I should go to the curb and haul that big green puppy back here. I could be in possession of a money maker!!

I won't tell Scooter. He won't care in the least.

Monday, January 09, 2006

"What??" he says.

"To be quite honest, I was wondering why you have to "blap" all the time," I respond.

I get a look that is half astonishment and all offended. He is, when all is said and done, a cat. Granted, the ability to hurl partly digested dry and/or canned food into varied and sundry shapes is a coveted talent, but c''s disgusting. Worse than that, it smells like a dead goat.

Cats really really have the life. We feed them, we clean up after them, we tote that barge and lift that bale for them and still they give us looks that say, "It's not quite good enough".

There are people that I'd like to give that look to. No, not anyone in least no one that I want to admit to in a public forum. Or think about. Gag...I feel a hairball coming on.

Maybe that's it. Scooter is hairballing for me. Maybe he senses the disgust I feel for a chosen few and he is blapping on my behalf. It's a great theory right up until that look I get from him. It's the smugness. It's the "I'm above you...please clean that up" look.

Perhaps if he were hairballing for me I could excuse it a little. ?? Ok...that's a stupid statement. Of course I couldn't excuse it. I'm nickel and diming myself to death on paper towels and Lysol cleaner...and all of that for a smug look and a switch of a tabby tail. Sigh.

He's napping again and I am looking at blap on the rug. I love my cat. I will clean it up and probably ask him if it's up to his standards. He'll roll and purr and tell me to bring him a snack.

Like a lemming...I will obey.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Scooter is a cat.

A huge cat...even by cat standards.

He's 22 lbs. and some odd ounces. I scares me too.

Sometimes, he speaks...sometimes...if you're listening.


Today Scooter watched with some trepidation as Hazel the Roomba wound her way around the dining room. I know what he was thinking. He hates her. He's intimidated by Hazel, this much is certain. More than that though. He hates her. I know that in his cat dreams he pounces on her with all the ferocity of a mountain lion. As he throws her lifeless ragdoll form into the air, a sense of great pride wells up inside of him. The victorious and the prey.

This is, of course, the point in the dream where he wakes up. Foiled again, he is forced to co-exist with Hazel.

I think this is why he sleeps so much...just so he can have this dream over and over again.

Hazel is oblivious to Scooter's hatred for her. In fact she does everything in her power to cozy up to him. (This could be one of the reasons he hates her. It's just a hunch.) We've taken to telling him that "Hazel is going to make noise". He looks at me with "that big red round thing" is on the prowl eyes.

He hates her.

When Hazel turns left, Scooter runs for the safety and dreams of the bed. He pauses as he passes.

"I hate her," he says and off he goes.